Horse in the Wilderness, by Debbie Eckles

Horse in the Wilderness, by Debbie Eckles, is a story about a man named Brent who moves to a small mountain town in order to reinvent himself after his wife's unfaithfulness and subsequent death.  While there, he meets Autumn, a woman who loves horses almost as much as she loves God.  The two find a common bond over music, and Brent slowly starts to realize that God has not abandoned him as he once thought.

The book was tough for me at the beginning.  A lot of characters are introduced all at once.  While I think this is meant to convey Brent's confusion upon moving to a new town, it's also very difficult for the reader to keep track of so many characters.  I admit that I put the book aside for a time because I couldn't get into the story.

However, after I'd been away from it for a while, I found myself wanting to return to find out what happens to Brent.  A book like this is more about the journey than it is about the ending, and Brent's character development was quite compelling.

There is a lot of detail in the book.  I will say that it helps to have working relationship with both horses and music to understand a few scenes.  That's a check on both counts for me, which made the book more interesting to me.  But it's not really necessary to have much knowledge of either to enjoy the book.  

The book is certainly much better than the usual fare that is found with self-published books.  I hope the author continues to write.  She's got talent.

On a side note, this book does deal with depression and suicide.  As always, I caution anyone who is struggling with either to please seek help.  And don't stop seeking that help until you get the medical treatment you need.  No matter how bad off you seem, there is treatment for you.  Call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1 (800) 273-8255.

Disclaimer:  I was provided a copy of this book by the publisher in exchange for a fair and honest review.  

Three out of Five Stars

I Was Here, by Gayle Forman

As with other books of this subject, I add the following caveat:
If you are depressed or having thoughts of suicide, no matter how small, please seek help.  Even in the last decade, medical science has become so much more capable of helping people with depression.  If you see a doctor who says that you are fine when you are not, or who just throws pills at you that don't help, then see another doctor.  Involve your loved ones and ask them to help you.  No matter what you are going through, there are treatments that can give you the quality of life you wish you had.


     Never having read any of Gayle Forman's works, I decided to give this one a try based on reviews of If I Stay.  And while I Was Here is a tough read, it's a good one.  It examines suicide from the point of view of the surviving loved ones, and in a very thorough way.

    The plot (sans spoilers):  Cody is shocked when her best friend, Meg, kills herself.  They'd been apart during their first year in college, but there was nothing that indicated to Cody that Meg might be contemplating death.  And when Meg's family asks Cody to pick up Meg's belongings from her college apartment, Cody is thrown into a world of Meg's that she didn't know existed.  Cody becomes driven to learn why Meg killed herself, and in the process learns about her own place in the world of the living.

     I appreciate this book because it does a very good job of relating the feelings of the family and friends of a suicide.  The absolute despair, the confusion, and most importantly the guilt are all portrayed in a very real way.  And I think that these are important topics, mainly because so many people who commit suicide think they are doing their loved ones a favor.  In point of fact, the opposite is true.  The book is valuable just because it explores these emotions.  I pray that this book leads any depressed adult (young, or otherwise) to seek help.  And the book encourages its readers to do so, since it also discusses the life-saving options that are available to people contemplating suicide.  

     Never once does it glorify suicide, but instead portrays it as the twisted and sadly contagious killer that it is.  Forman also delves a little into faith-based beliefs about suicide, which I admire her for in today's society.  And no, it's not preachy.

     The book is a tough read, and I certainly don't recommend you give this book to someone who is currently depressed in hopes that it will be a wake up call.  It will only worsen their depression.  But something like this ought to be required reading in high schools.  It's raw, but it's reality, and it could save lives.

     Five out of Five Stars

My Heart and Other Black Holes, by Jasmine Warga

Before I write my review of this book, I want to send a message to anyone who is contemplating suicide, is depressed, or feels as though there is something "not right" with life.  No matter how badly you feel, no matter how much guilt or sadness or frustration you are carrying, there is help for you.  If a medical professional has told you you're fine, or given you a prescription isn't helping, there is still help for you.  Keep seeking it.  And there is so much more information on this website.  http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Do not give up on yourself, because no matter what you think right now, you are worth more than what you are going through.  And so many advances have been made even in the last twenty years that there is help for you no matter how impossible your world may seem.  There are people who are trained specially just to help you - yes, you - live a life that is meaningful and enjoyable.  It takes time, it won't happen overnight, but the new person they will help you become will be stronger and more filled with self-worth.
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This book, as you may have guessed or were probably already aware, is about teen suicide.  To be more precise, it's about two teens who decide to make a suicide pact.  

The author writes that this book helped her deal with the loss of a dear friend, and I am glad she was able to use her writing in such a cathartic way.  I'm also glad that this book was accepted for publication, not only because the author is a gifted writer, but also because the subjects of depression and suicide hold so much stigma.  We need more discussion of both issues in a way that treats them seriously.  And this book does that.

I'm conflicted about the book, however.  There are adequate descriptions of what depression feels like, and I'm sure this is helpful to many readers who are experiencing depression.  But the author never really captures the bleakness of someone who is that close to suicide.  The words are there, but the emotion (or lack thereof) really isn't.

Aysel's decision to stay alive (and this isn't a spoiler, it's in the book synopsis) comes at a very alarming rate.  It troubles me that she decides life is finally worth living because of some boy.  What does that say to suicidal readers?  What if that boy never comes along?  What if that boy comes along but then breaks up with you?  There is very little sense that Aysel has decided that she herself is worth the effort to live.  There is just suicidal Aysel and non-suicidal Aysel who is all ready to live her life (with maybe a few therapy sessions) as though nothing has happened.  And darn it, she doesn't want to live life without Roman.  What a troubling message for someone who is feeling suicidal because someone just broke up with them!

The bounce back from serious suicidal ideation just happens too quickly.  What does that say to a depressed reader?  It takes a long time to recover from depression that serious, and I would hate for someone to think that their situation is hopeless just because it's taking them longer to recover than it does for the characters in this book.  

(Spoiler Alert in this paragraph) As far as Roman's story goes, we get a small sense of what he is going through, but again, there is more bounce back from his depression than one would expect after his suicide attempt.  He seems much more lucid and in control of his thoughts than someone in his position would tend to be.  The author does make a note at the end that true recovery does take a long time (and it does), but how many people read author's notes?  That note would have been better placed at the front, where more people might see it.

Now, I'm not sure how much of this is the author, and how much of it is a publisher who doesn't want to have that much sadness in one book.  (Because, yes, bookselling is a business, and you do have to take the target audience into account).  But it's a narrow path you travel when you put something like this out there.  I truly hope that readers who have depression or suicidal thoughts seek the help that is offered in the back of the book.  No one's life story is the same.  And the characters in this book are just that - fictional characters.  Happy endings like the one in this book take time, and I would hope that no reader would expect recovery to happen so quickly.

Two out of Five Stars