Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage, by Lee and Leslie Strobel

I picked this book up after having seen it mentioned by a few trustworthy articles on couples who are unequally yoked.  I know that Lee Strobel is better known for other books, but this is the first of his that I've read.  I was impressed not only by his candid writing style, but also by the solid theology that exists throughout the book.  It is clear that a lot of thought went into this book, and I appreciated that as someone who can benefit from its wisdom.

The Strobels wrote this book from the perspective of a couple who has been through spiritual mismatch in marriage - Leslie converted to Christianity two years before Lee did.  Their experience gives this book more credibility.  They are able to address many questions that arise when a Christian experiences the turmoil that can result from marriage to an unbeliever.

Throughout the book, they cover the following topics:  their own story, how to find joy in the marriage despite the spiritual mismatch, and tips for how to introduce the unbelieving spouse to God without being pushy.  All advice is centered on Biblical passages.  The Strobels make no grand claims that every Christian will be able to convert his or her unbelieving spouse.  However, they do provide a sense of peace that God will use the marriage for good.  And throughout the book, the reader is encouraged to keep his or her marriage flourishing despite the spiritual mismatch.  The aim of this book is a happy marriage, regardless of each spouse's beliefs.

As the wife of an unbeliever, I found the advice in this book to be very encouraging.  I especially appreciated the section on discovering the exact nature of a spouse's unbelief and how to handle that particular situation - not every spouse is going to fit the mold of Lee's story, after all.

There are also two extra chapters at the end.  One is on boundaries that Christians should set when dating to avoid a spiritual mismatch.  The other is on marriages where two Christian partners are at different points in their spiritual growth.  

I recommend this book for any Christian who needs help with an unequally yoked relationship, be it a marriage or a dating relationship.  

Five out of Five Stars

Messy Beautiful Love, by Darlene Schacht

     This is a book that is well worth the read.  Darlene Schacht, creator of the blog "Time Warp Wife," has done a fantastic job of showing what God can do through one woman.  

     The book discusses what it is to be a wife in a God-honoring marriage.  More than any other book I have read, the role of the wife is carefully delineated here.  And in doing this, Schacht gives Christian women a true gift.  So much of what is written in women's ministry - and particularly the "trendy" books - does not follow Scripture.  It instead twists Scripture into what we want it to be.  

     Darlene Schacht doesn't do this.  This book is Scripturally sound, and I love it for that.  A woman seeking to learn what she can do to better her marriage can read this book without worrying about false doctrine.  And you can't say that about a lot of books out there.

     Beyond that, Schacht is a good writer, and this book is an enjoyable read.  She answers many questions about the Christian marriage.  She talks about so many issues that are central to a good marriage - the choice we must make to be kind when we don't feel like it, the difference between submission and inequality in marriage, the importance of nurturing our husbands, and many other topics important to the Christian wife.

     This book isn't a deep read, nor it is an examination of the psychology of relationships.  It's just one woman's impression of what our role as wives should be.  But it's appropriately backed by Scripture, and for me, that is more than sufficient.  

     I highly recommend this book to any wife who is seeking what her role should be in a God-honoring marriage.  I'll be keeping this book around for further study.


Disclaimer:  I was provided a copy of this book by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.


Five out of Five Stars

  

Before You Plan Your Wedding Plan Your Marraige, by Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley

     There are 3 weddings (that I know of) in my family's immediate future, and so I've been looking for good engagement gifts.  One thing I've discovered is that wow there are a lot of books on this topic!  Unfortunately, I've also discovered that for every good pre-wedding book out there, there are 3 or 4 not-so-good books.  There are also a few that are so downright awful you wonder if the author is conducting an experiment to see how much one book can contribute to the high divorce rate.

     Before You Plan Your Wedding... Plan Your Marriage is one of the good ones - the best of the good ones, actually.  So I thought it merited a review.  Because honestly, every couple from the newly engaged to the long married would benefit from the wisdom in this book.  Each chapter lends itself to both personal reflection as well as discussion between the engaged or already married couple.

     The authors start by discussing how to have an engagement that truly prepares the couple for marriage.  That segment is followed by chapters that delve into better self-awareness.  The reader is guided through a series of highly effective (I know because I've done them!) exercises on learning more about what drives his or her own fears and expectations.  Why is all this self-evaluation important?  Because those fears and expectations are going to affect you in ways you can't always imagine.  If you can't articulate them to yourself, they're going to control you, when it should be the other way around.  They're also going to control your approach to difficulties in your marriage.  And an argument where you don't realize exactly what is bothering you is an argument that is never going to be truly resolved.

     Once the authors lead the reader through this journey into self-awareness, they teach how to use this self-awareness in a manner that is healthy to not just the individual, but the marriage.  The rest of the book is largely devoted to good communication strategies, forgiveness, and teamwork in a marriage.  There is also a great section on marital roles in a God-honoring marriage (and no, this doesn't mean the husband gets to boss the wife around).  There is also a very important section on leaving and cleaving, the Biblical ideal of becoming one with your spouse, forsaking all others.

     I feel that this book is Scripturally sound.  As such, it's going to be of benefit to the Christian couple.  However, if you aren't Christian, this book is still going to be immensely helpful to you.  The sections on self-awareness and good communication apply to everyone.  I've read many books on marriage, both Christian and secular, and this book leaves most of the others far behind.  The authors do a good job of mixing sound advice with amusing anecdotes, and it's a pleasure to read.  I recommend it to anyone who is engaged or just simply wants a better marriage.

Five out of Five Stars

Seven Ways to Be Her Hero, by Doug Fields

Seven Ways to Be Her Hero is a self-help book on marriage written specifically for men.  It offers advice on various topics essential to a good marriage - listening, putting your wife’s needs on high priority, putting aside pride, and shepherding your wife’s heart.

Every piece of advice in this book is true (speaking from the perspective of the wife).  It’s backed by Bible references.  The only problem is that so much of it is generalized.  I really think the author tried to cover too much in one book.  I also found instances of circular logic to be confusing.  For example, in the chapter on shepherding the wife’s heart, the author explains that to truly be a shepherd, you must “exude real manhood.”  And how do you exude real manhood?  By shepherding your wife’s heart.  Very few details are given on exactly how to do this.  

The most impressive piece of the book is the recommendation section.  The publisher got some very prominent Christian authors to recommend this book.  Yet in many cases, the reviewers wrote books that are better reads than this one.  

In short, this book is well-meaning and is a worthwhile read.  But there are far better books out there if you want marital advice that is easy to follow.

Disclaimer:  I was provided a copy of this book by the publisher in exchange for a fair and honest review.

3 out of 5 Stars